Newsletter
Arkansas District &
City Court Clerks Association
February 20, 2004,
Hello everyone,
Today we begin a new adventure. Unfortunately, we will miss seeing some of our friends, but hopefully the new certification program format will benefit our learning ability with smaller groups, tables for note-taking, and more accessibility to those presenting the topics. As our membership grows, the court cases increase, and our responsibilities seem to have quadrupled. Maybe our loads can be lightened through these programs and the chance to share mutual problems with other clerks. It is more than just a day away from court; it is a chance to make a difference.
I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you who have asked how my husband is doing. Your support and encouragement during the last 20 months have helped tremendously. Just to let you know the latest, Jim is now taking chemotherapy for a second form of cancer. The initial esophageal cancer is completely gone, which is a miracle in itself. Cat scans after the first surgery showed a form of lymphoma in a dormant stage. The doctor has been watching it very closely. The lymphoma activated in January and chemo was begun immediately. The doctor assures us this is one of the most easily treated lymphomas and has a high success rate for complete remission. However, the chemo treatments take its toll on my husband and our family. So please keep us in your prayers.
Our annual meeting is just around the corner. It may be that some of you will be receiving phone calls asking you to consider running for an office. I know your first thought would be to say no. I ask you to reconsider and think seriously about participating in our association by serving as an officer. Most offices really do not take much time and effort. Serving as an officer gives you a forum for any concerns or problems you want addressed. Being involved and working toward a goal is the only sure way to reach that goal.
Just a short update on the APERS situation, as of February 6, 2004, Governor Huckabee has not appointed the remaining two members of the Board of Trustees for the Judges and Clerks Retirement Board. Nothing can be done until this Board meets and establishes guidelines. One of the first things to be considered will be if the Clerks retirement will proceed as of January 5, 2005 or not. An Attorney Genernl's opinion has said at least one part of Act 1374, in his opinion, may be unconstitutional. Anyone wanting a copy of the opinion may see me today to obtain one.
See you in May in
Judy West
President ARDCCCA
HELP! HELP! HELP!
I received only one
A.M.C.C.C.A. last time and I really need your input to help make our spotlight
more interesting. Are you planning a special vacation this year? Do you have
children on the honor roll? What date is your birthday or anniversary? Do you
have a son or a daughter who is proudly serving our country in the military?
Jennifer Bryant
Jennifer is from
PONDER THIS!
How come when you mix water
and flour together you get glue, and then you add eggs and sugar and you get
cake?
Where did the glue go?
Remember that time waits for
no one. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift.
That’s why it’s called the
present!
Happiness is a journey, not a
destination. So work like you don’t need money, love like you’ve never been
hurt, and dance like no one’s watching.
A LITTLE HUMOR
Driving to the lake this
morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a
brand new Cadillac doing 75 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror
putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away for a couple of
seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working
on that makeup. As a man, I don’t scare easily. But she scared me so much; I
dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In
all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against
the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear, which fell into
the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned my legs, ruined the phone,
soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.DARN
WOMEN DRIVERS!
SOME FUN WITH PUNS!
A backward poet writes
inverse.
A man’s home is his castle,
in a manor of speaking.
When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
A chicken crossing the road
is poultry in motion.
A boiled egg in the morning
is hard to beat.
A midget fortune-teller who
escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Those who get too big for
their britches will be exposed in the end.
Baker’s
trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Acupuncture is a jab well
done.
WHAT MAKES A FACE?
A master
rendition of a special personality, executed in a flawless technique that
reveals the soul or essence of the person.
SO WHAT MAKES A FACE UNIQUE?
The images
of that face which remains in your heart and stains your memory.
MORNING POEM
I woke early one morning
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill,
He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.
He sang of far off places
Of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling,
Brought up the morning sun.
I stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window
And crushed his little head.I’m not a morning person!
HELPFUL HINTS
Make fluffy rice everytime.
Add a teaspoon of fresh lemon
juice to the water first thing, and your rice will never be sticky again.
TO CLEAN OUT YOUR MICROWAVE
If you’ve got hardened food
on the inside of your microwave, don’t scratch the finish with harsh cleaners.
Instead, mix three tablespoons of lemon juice into one and a half cups of water
in a microwave-safe bowl. Microwave on high for 10 minutes at
the most. Then just wipes off the softened food with a dish cloth.
QUESTION?
Does the MPH on yellow road
signs mean the same as those on the white ones?
ANSWER: No, they are only
suggested safe speed limits.
There are many two-way
mirrors sold every year and sometimes they turn up in places they shouldn’t be.
I am sure you all know where those places are. To determine
if a mirror is a 2-way or not, take this sure-fire test to find out.
Simply place you fingernail against the reflective surface and if there is a
SPACE between your fingernail and the image of the nail, then it is a GENUINE
mirror. However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your nail
then it is A 2-WAY MIRROR.
Remember, "No Space,
Leave the Place".
Three proven rules for good,
healthy teeth:
Sorry if there are any
lawyers in the family! For a laugh, read on.
These are from a book called
Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people said in court, word for
word, taken down and now published by court reporters who
had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.Q:
What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th
Q: What year?
A: Every year.Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the
impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.Q:
This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it
affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give
us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?Q:
How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five,
I can’t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with
you?
A: Forty-five
years.Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We Do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, Voodoo.Q: Now doctor, isn’t it
true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the
next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the
bar exam?Q: The youngest son, the twenty- year old, how
old is he?Q: Were you present when your
picture was taken?Q: So the date of conception
(of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at
that time?Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None
Q: Were there any girls?Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height
and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed
on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are
performed on dead people.Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What
school did you go to?
A: OralQ: Do you recall the time that you examined the
body?
A: The autopsy started around
8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the
table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?Q: Doctor, before you performed
the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for
breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible
that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure,
Doctor?
A: Because his brain was
sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have
still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that
he could still be alive and practicing law somewhere.
Nowadays, there are a lot of coorporate merges, here are some
to watch for in 2004:
Computers
will become: Fairwell Honeychild.
Organization
of Women will become: Knott NOW!
PARTING SHOTS
Please reread the first
paragraph, and fill out the A.M.C.C.C.A. form.
Betty Campregher,
Newsletter Editor